


Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline

by network



Series: Destiny Shorts [16]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Character Study, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 23:36:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19859887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/network/pseuds/network
Summary: nothing scares me anymore[ Cayde's persona through the years, and Zavala's feelings for the obnoxious Hunter ]





	Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline

Cayde has always been irritating. Obnoxious, even. Sometimes even pushing the boundary into dangerous. From the moment Andal had introduced him to the Exo, Zavala had always done his best to show his disdain for these characteristics. Yet underneath his layers of disapproval and borderline disgust, he was always a bit intrigued by Cayde.

It harkens back to Saladin, likely. He can still remember his mentor telling him that those who yell the loudest hear themselves the quietest, that exaggerated external personas, echoing voices and careless grins are all covers for people who feel incomplete without them.

He had seen it in Shaxx, a little. But Shaxx – he had honour - and bravery and strength and achievement. With Cayde he had been so convinced that his persona was truly all he had, that he was so exaggerated that he had looped around back to just being a vapid shell with only being annoying as any form of achievement.

But after Andal’s death, he starts to realise that he was wrong.

Cayde’s persona never disappeared in the time after Andal’s death and his subsequent induction as Hunter Vanguard, never wavered. Instead he doubled down on it, buried himself in layers of jokes and grins and _I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be, why would I care_ , buried himself so deeply that Zavala wasn’t sure if he could even find his way back out.

But he saw it sometimes – when Cayde obviously thought nobody was watching, when he’d let the façade slip, just for a moment. His shoulders would sag, as if Andal’s cloak there was fifty times heavier than it was, his fingers would tense around anything (his own wrist, the table edge, a stylus, _thin air_ ), his optics would shut off for a few seconds. Then he’d take his equivalent of a deep, steadying breath, and Cayde-6, the annoying, infamous Hunter, would be back.

On the anniversary of Andal’s death Cayde stayed past the official end of their shift, which was strange – for him, at least. In fact, all day he’d been quiet and reserved, his Hunters only coming to him if absolutely necessary and always talking quietly, cautiously. When not visited by one of his charges he’d be typing away, eyes never leaving whatever map or patrol report he was studying.

When an hour has passed since the end of their shift and even Ikora has left for the night, he vows to himself to stay as long as Cayde does, determined to at least not leave the Hunter to wallow in his emotions alone.

“You don’t have to stay, you know.” Cayde’s voice pierces the silence. “I’m fine on my own. Get some rest.”

“I know what today is Cayde.”

“Then you’ll know why I’m staying.”

“You’re punishing yourself.”

That makes Cayde look up, meeting his eyes with an expression that’s outwardly neutral, defiant maybe, but that hints at buried sadness and desperation bubbling just beneath the surface. “I’m doing my job. Seriously, go. I’ll contact your Ghost if anything urgent comes through.”

“I’m not leaving until you do.” And with that he goes back to his work, glancing up only to find Cayde watching him with a bewildered expression that quickly disappears when he notices Zavala watching him.

The Hunter may be insufferable at the best of times, but there’s something beneath that persona, and Zavala is determined to find it.


End file.
